Mortality

I find it fascinating that when I am getting ready for surgery, my thought seem to migrate to my mortality. Not that I worry about it. But I think about it. Think about the what ifs, the why's, the legacy. I am not at all worried about eternity. I have that one in hand, so I am promised. But I am thinking about the now.

What is a legacy? There is a line in a song that I like - "I want to leave a legacy, how will they remember me..?" What will I leave? What will I be remembered for? Whom have I impacted? Listen, I am not planning on dying this week. But as i said, fascinating how I tend to focus on my mortality in times like these. I hope I have affected people positively. I know I have done some stupid things. I know I have hurt some people. But overall, I hope I have done more good that bad. It is amazing how our minds work. Focusing on the bad memories, focusing on the hurt. The hurt and pain over-riding the joy and kindness.

Why does that happen? Why to we let the bad memories control our lives. Why do we sometimes live in the scars of the past? I know I am not answering anything here? Really just rambling thoughts being put down on paper? I try not to live there. Try not to live in the pain of the past, but in thinking about my mortality, all my memories come into play. Not just the good ones.

I want to leave a good legacy, I want people to remember me for the good that I did. The positive life I have led. I hope that is the way it is.